You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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