do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
