I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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