official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
