Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
