I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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