I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
