I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
