ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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