it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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