If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
