I need help removing her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize