2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
