Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there was a trapeze. enough said
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
