I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
