I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
