my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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