i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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