lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
