Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
