dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
