KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
