mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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