He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
