Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
