don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
