could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
