I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
