Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
