i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
