awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ok first of all what the fuck
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
