Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
