Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
