It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
