i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
