I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
