im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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