so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
