He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
