Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
