No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize