It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
