Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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