he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
