Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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