once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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