So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
