Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
