spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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