I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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