I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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