idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
