I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
