our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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