When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
