I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
