My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dicks are not precious.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
