the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
