bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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