I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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