I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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