oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
