Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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