worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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