Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
