Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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