ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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