I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
