Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize